How I Became Self Confident Without Loving My Flaws First

For the longest time growing up, I wondered when I would finally look in the mirror and think to myself, “You’re the coolest person ever.”

But high school came and went and that moment never happened. I always stood in front of the mirror constantly pointing out what I hated about myself, what I thought was ugly, and compared myself to people around me.

When I got to college, I was thrown into a completely new environment. I left my home state and didn’t know anyone at my new school. I was both scared and excited at this new opportunity to reinvent myself and I thought about who I could be in this new version of myself.

I always wanted to be that cool yet outgoing girl who everyone was friends with. She wasn’t afraid of anyone or any situation and she handled everything with ease. That’s who I wanted to be.

Turns out, it’s not that easy to just write down a few desired characteristics and wake up the next day as a different person.

I walked into my first few classes still just as terrified as usual, riddled with social anxiety, and convinced everyone was judging me for something. But lo and behold, students in my classes were chatty, wanted to make friends, and wanted to get to know me.

I no longer held the label of being “the quiet girl” in high school. Nobody knew who I was! They didn’t have any preconceived idea of my personality or character.

It was a freeing experience. I knew deep down that I wasn’t as quiet as people in high school made me feel. I was constantly compared to my more outgoing and personable twin sister and I never realized how much I lived in her shadow until I got to college.

I took this opportunity not to become someone else, but to finally be myself, the girl who was hiding in my shell for the longest time. It was so exciting exploring my personality and sharing common interests and passions with other students. I was able to meet interesting people from all over the world, who were actually interested in me! Suddenly I felt like such a cool person and it made me wonder why I hadn’t fallen in love with myself before this moment.

Liking yourself doesn’t necessarily come from forcing yourself to “fall in love with your flaws” as so many people preach. It takes time, life experience, and connection with others to realize how you can positively impact those around you.

I’m so much more than my skin condition that makes my skin red and itchy. I’m more than my stretch marks or my cellulite. I’m more than the “quiet girl” in high school.

I can make people laugh, I can make someone feel heard. I can be a shoulder to cry on and I can be someone’s best friend. I began to fall in love with the way I impacted those around me and that is the most beautiful thing anyone can offer. If we’re selfish in this world, we won’t go anywhere.

I began to fall in love with the way I impacted those around me.

Once I realized the beauty of connecting with friends and significant others, I understood that people love you for how you make them feel. They don’t care about your flaws that you obsess about. I suddenly felt so happy and fulfilled with this, that I slowly started to stop caring about what I thought were my “flaws.”

Everything about me, even what I didn’t like, makes me uniquely me. Be proud of that. Be proud that you’re not like everybody else. Enjoy the uniqueness that you bring to the world and let it show through the kindness that you spread to others. Learn new skills, take trips, and experience new things. Become the interesting person that you would want to be friends with. Once you do that, you’ll start realizing just how amazing you really are. It’s a process and it takes time, don’t get me wrong, but you have to allow yourself to explore new parts of your personality. Be patient with yourself and never be self-destructive or degrading in your thoughts. You won’t ever find the quick fix to become self-confident, but you have the power within yourself to start that journey.


  • Don’t force yourself to “love your flaws”, it takes time
  • Connect with significant others and friends to share your insecurities (the more you embrace them, the less you feel like you have to hide)
  • Spread kindness, love, and laughter
  • Continuously work on self-improvement in your skills and relationships – be the best you can be!

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

-Maya Angelou

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Shea Jordan

Shea Jordan is a content creator who currently lives in Los Angeles. She shares her travel adventures, life experiences, and photography tutorials on both her blog and YouTube channel. She hopes to encourage the pursuit of happiness to her online audience and her itch to travel won’t be satisfied until she’s visited every country in Europe. You can follow her coffee-fueled adventures by following her social media accounts below.

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  • Looks like great write up. I like the line, juts be myself. That’s more important to know ourself.

    • Shea
      June 6, 2019

      Thanks for you comment! It’s very important to enjoy simply being who you are!

  • Jennie
    June 6, 2019

    I love this post, and I can totally relate! I think this is exactly how I feel but never really knew or thought about how to put it into words.

    • Shea
      June 6, 2019

      I’m happy you enjoyed it! Yes, I think most people go through a similar process of self-discovery at some point in their lives.

  • Kitty Katie
    June 6, 2019

    This is such an enlightening read! It’s hard to love ourselves sometimes, especially when we dwell on our flaws.

    • Shea
      June 13, 2019

      This is so true! I’m glad you enjoyed my guest post!

  • Jen @ Jenron Designs
    June 6, 2019

    It is true about people never forgetting how you made them feel which is why you should alway be empathetic to those around you. I also believe that actions always speak louder than words too. Example-You have someone in your thats says “they want to get together” but they never make and effort too, which means they really don’t… and they are just being nice, to put on a good front, lol. The “let them down easy tactic”.

    • Shea
      June 13, 2019

      I know exactly what you mean! I always make sure to mean what I say and follow through. It’s important to be there for the ones around you.

  • Sydney
    June 6, 2019

    This is such an interesting take on confidence! Thanks for sharing

  • Candice
    June 6, 2019

    That was very inspiring to read! Once we stop focusing on our flaws and start focusing on our positive qualities, we find the wonderful things about ourselves we maybe didn’t realize we had. Thanks, Candice

  • Dee
    June 6, 2019

    Beautiful post, thanks for sharing. “Spread kindness, love and laughter” should be engraved in shiny gold letters

  • Jenn ~ Onehoppymomma
    June 7, 2019

    I think it’s amazing that we are always growing as a person as we age. Even in my 40s I’m different than I was 10 years ago because I’m always learning and trying to improve myself.

    • Shea
      June 13, 2019

      Exactly! Everyone is always evolving and changing a little bit here and there. I think the people you meet and the experiences you encounter have a far bigger impact on you than most people think.

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How I Became Self Confident Without Loving My Flaws First