Two weeks ago, I talked to my boss in private, and with a shaky voice I told him, “I’m resigning.”
I am pretty sure he wasn’t expecting it especially that he and the company have been so good to me, and I was one of his employees who truly believes in his vision.
And nothing has changed. I still believe in my boss (now, ex-boss) and his company. But it’s time to believe in me, too.
When you search for stories on quitting a job, almost all of their reasons are about toxic environments and asshole bosses, which is actually a more than enough reason on why you should quit, yes.
But quitting a job that’s been amazing?
Now that’s rare, so here’s one.
Just a little overview of my career background: I am in my early 20’s and I have already worked for 3 companies. The first one was a publishing company for my internship. The next one was a marketing company for charities where I was a content writer and partnerships associate. But because of financial instability, I had to resign. I was there for 6 months.
The last one is this company. It’s a luxury specialist company and I was their social media manager, media coordinator, and only content writer.
Now, my top deal breaker in accepting a job offer is the work environment, and let me just say that this company made me feel so at home. Maybe it was because it was still in its startup phase (they have been operating for only 4 years) but everyone there was so close together and understanding of each other’s time and responsibilities.
My boss (the CEO), is a great leader. He kept on including me whenever he has some new plans and strategies to pursue. He presented me with opportunities and connections that made me step out of my comfort zone. My workmates are all amazing. We were like this huge group of friends who are always having lunch together and sometimes going out at night for some happy hour drinks.
It’s a dream job come true as one would say.
However, on my 8th month in the company, I was unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and unmotivated. I was writing about things and topics that I don’t believe in and really have no interest in. I was writing about luxury stuff that I don’t even have and will never plan on having. I meet people and fake a smile while pretending I have a clue about what they’re talking about.
This new watch collection? A new Maserati launch? More foreign brands I don’t know about and have no interest in?
I was trying to be someone else for 8 months. Every day. It was tiring and mentally draining.
But I couldn’t quit in just 8 months. I was made to believe that quitting jobs for less than a year can give off a bad impression to future employers.
Add to this that I was at my first job for only 6 months, I was scared that I won’t be getting into a better company in the future.
On my ninth month, I was utterly burnt out. My creative juices are nearly drained and I was feeling more like a robot – wake up, go to work, write and research for more articles, go home, sleep, repeat.
It is also then that I accepted the fact that I want to do more. That I can do more. I have a lot of things and topics I want to write about, so maybe working for only one company isn’t really for me.
I really wanted to dip my toes in freelance writing then and there.
But then, another opportunity was presented to me. My boss wanted me to go overseas with him and another workmate for a business trip. He was ready to spend an insane amount of money on me even if I was working for him for only less than a year.
Maybe it was guilt or my anxiety (again), but I couldn’t decline. I just told myself, “Suck it up. At least try to last for 2 years.” I am given all these opportunities so maybe I really am meant to be here… right?
Apparently, fate loves playing with me.
My boss got into some booking complications which resulted in him canceling our flight and our trip. And boy did I grab that sign like a hungry kid.
I thought, okay, this is it. I’ll finish this month then I’ll hand in my resignation. I guess 10 months would be fine, right?
Yes, I was still thinking about the look of my freaking résumé after. Not my proudest moment.
However, before I even got to the end of the month, I was given the last straw.
I was given a raise.
I know people are supposed to feel ecstatic about getting a salary raise. I am too, believe me, but my guilt trumps my happiness. It was then that I decided that I should let them stop investing in me when I know I don’t see myself as part of the company in the near future anymore.
They deserve someone who has the heart and motivation to do the job.
At the same time, I deserve a life and a career path where I feel satisfied and not burnt out to the point that I’ll hate what I love.
So earlier than planned, I finally did the thing that I should have done 2 months ago.
Two weeks ago, I finally gave my resignation letter.
Two weeks ago, I cried when my boss asked me why I was resigning. I sobbed when I said that I am still trying to navigate my way through life. I told him I don’t want to be restricted in a box because then, I wouldn’t truly know who I am and what I want to do.
I told him I am going to try freelance writing.
I trust my writing and I know I can do so much more with it.
He told me he will support me and his office doors are always open for me.
I spent two months with hundreds of doubts and countless what if’s, but it was also two months of self-discovery and self-improvement. It wasn’t my proudest moment but I don’t regret it at all.
What’s the point of this story, you ask?
I just want you to realize the importance of self-fulfillment and putting your happiness first. You will grow, I assure you, but it’s best to let yourself grow at your own time and speed.
Doubts may cloud your decision but I want you to not lose your goal: you.
This is your life and you should be living it the way you want it to. Trust your instincts and always go for what’s best for you. You are your own priority and no one will give you the happiness and satisfaction you deserve but you.
So now, I have two more weeks before I end my turnover period.
Two more weeks before I can finally start over and start better.
I can’t wait.
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